I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
