there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
