dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I just found puke in my bra..
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
