Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
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Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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