Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
