Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Randomize
