i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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