Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
