Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I need water and some morals
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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