I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
