tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
