I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Of course I have a pirate flag
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Randomize