worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
