She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
you had me at cake vodka
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
The struggles of a small town man whore
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
