At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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