chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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