There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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