Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize