But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize