wanna go halves on a baby?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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