census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
