I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
