Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
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