im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
