Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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