Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
