i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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