This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
don't judge my taste in strippers
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
