We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
