this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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