Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
