You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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