I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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