Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
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