I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Alive.
So much puke
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Randomize
