she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize