Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
