I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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