I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Randomize