i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
