We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
my penis made a compromise with my morals
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
