Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
