Who did Billy Mays play for?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
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