Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize