man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
