It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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