after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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