life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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