What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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