Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
