She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
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