I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
