Dude my mom stole all your condoms
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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