In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
she peed on how many people?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
