I don't think brook has ever known best
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
