We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
