If i come over, it means nothing
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
