Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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