That's when you crack a 10am beer
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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