I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
