Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
