So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize