just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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