I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
