He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Dicks are not precious.
Randomize
