I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
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I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
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We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
please don't ironically join a cult
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