I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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