Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
