then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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