I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
