id be glad to
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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