you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Damn victory sex feels great
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
