How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
