I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
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