is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
