Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
