How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
