I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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