i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
