my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
