It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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