careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
