I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
